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May 22, 2009 
- Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.
- At least one in a pair of identical twins is born evil.
- Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading intergalactic alien society.
- It doesn’t matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will all wait patiently and politely to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just a bit bluish.
- If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
- Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman… but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off, even while scuba diving.
- You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. (It used to be an English accent for the Germans)
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
- Word processors never display a cursor on screen, but will always say: Enter Password Now.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. (And don’t forget – tyres will squeal on any surface, at any speed).
- All bombs are conveniently fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty on orders from the Mayor.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
- When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
- When paying a bill you never have to wait for change.
- No matter how busy the traffic, you will always find a parking spot outside the place you’re headed.
- If you and your friends are in a cabin in the woods in the dead of night and there’s a maniac loose outside… always venture out one at a time to investigate any noise.
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